Burn Out

I didn't do much yesterday. I aimed to score well on TOEIC test and it had been done, so I felt a little that I had time on my hands. Actually I have many things to do. I have many books I want to read. I wanna learn math and physics. Better English I wanna get. But I didn't feel I wanted to do these things yesterday. There was a day like that. Be myself.



I had TOEIC test yesterday. I think it was not bad. I could do to the end of it. I wish I got a high score and finish taking the exam. After that, I visited a friend of mine. He had some good music. I had a good time with him. I had been studying English these days in order to take TOEIC, and now it finished, so I wonder my energy will decrease to do something. I have to need some aim, and wanna make effort to take time well.



Yotsuba & ! was published yesterday. I bought it. Real written by Inoue Takehiko, who is known for the work Slam Dunk and Vagabond, was sold too. I bought it too. These two were very interesting. I'd like to spend days like Mr. Koiwai and Jumbo. Happiness may be there.


Curry and Live

I went to see Manics to Shinkiba. There were lots of people there, Studio Coast. I didn't know very much, but many people excited, and I enjoyed their music and to see people excited. Before going to the live music club, we went to an Indian curry restaurant in Minami-Senju. It was the first time I got off train there and walked around the station, and I found out that the town was good. The restaurant we had was a bit far from the station. We ran. That was delicious.



My brain didn't work well. I maybe realize why I couldn't think enough. Don't do it so much.



I cleaned my room. I threw away a lot of things. There were too many things in my room. The things which is truly important for me are few. I will have to have the opinion to have books. I have many books and I like them. But keeping them cost much. In them there are several books which are not very good. I need to decide how to concern with books.



I found riding bicycle was hard work. I had been hospital for several weeks and my strength became weaker. I was very tired to go to the station I always use by bicycle. I will exercise to be tough!


Coming Home

I left hospital yesterday. I had been there for 19 days. Curious time flowed there. Long, so long, but short, very short time. I liked the place and people there. If I can cure completely, I could live in my new life. I thought I won't be able to live without dialysis. But I may live with health. Thanks a lot.



I felt a bit tired yesterday. I was reading an English-Japanese dictionary and trying to remember words, the number of which is over 13000, and then I felt bored to do. I am apt to throw away to study when I feel it goes too long for me. The speed of reading is very important for me to keep my motivation. This time the dictionary is over 500 pages and I couldn't pass through it easily. That's why I was tired. Though I wanted to do other things to my heart's content, I am going to take TOEIC test next weekend. So I will continue it for one more week and then I will do something I want to do.


Ordinary Days

I studied yesterday too. I thought I sometimes took too much time to do. I sometimes do it which is enough to be done only a few more.
I logged my daily to my diary. I began to write from Monday's. I noticed I was perfectly used to live here and something special had scarcely happened.
And I need to sleep more. My thinking is becoming duller again. Keeping good conditions are really not easy.


My Exciting

I got excited yesterday. I wonder if it came from short sleep, or medicine I took. I was so high that I feel I would be able to do everything, for example to be able to be a professor if I hope and make effort. Although I was such a state yesterday, actually I couldn't concentrate very much as I was too excited. Keeping good conditions have several difficult problems.


Short Sleeper

I sleep for about 4 or 5 hours a day. I go to bed after 10 and get up around 3. Do I get up too early? Indeed I sometimes feel sleepy during day, but I am so free to sleep anytime that there are no problems. I now have more free time than before and I feel happy. After working I may have to change this routine, but I don't forget that good living comes from my small awareness.



Ah, well, Exactly I couldn't do everything. And I can do only, very little thing now. But I try to keep optimistic and making effort. I believe it will lead me somewhere I wanna go.



I can learn. So are you. We have only finite time so we should use works former giants built. In order to find the optimum answer, we will touch the wisdom.



I wanna be free. I think that is the most important thing for me to do at first in my life. There are several way to live, but, anyway, we should live without being captured. There are different way for each people to be free. Some need money, or other need time in stead of money. I wanna have several things, and then will be the man who I wanna be.



There are some days for me to be able to study hard with high energy. I like to be concentrating to do something. I feel so good when I do with all my attention to it. I knew that the condition of the body is very important to do well. Going to bed and waking up early, eating healthy foods and stretching my body bring me a lot of fruits. I wanna think many things on my own.



A friend came to me. I had a ticket of Gogh Museum which was expiring. So I gave him it. I was happy to deal it usefully. He brought me two books. One of them was what I thought I wanted to read and to ask him to lend to me. How nice the time when he came! I didn't study English much yesterday, but it was not bad day. My muscles became more stretchable. When my body feel good, my soul are great too.


Lack Of Consentration

My grandfather visited me in the hospital. My mother came at night. I couldn't concentrate well yesterday. I missed the goal. But making a target is I think good. It make my power direct particular direction and it's effective.



Physics and math is so interesting after all. I didn't want to do them so much when I had to learn for my university's task. But I think I like the attitude of them. Fitting me into learning new things need a small time. I first want to know the outline of the thing. And I dislike to be chased by time. These things made me escape from anything. Was I spoiled by me? Maybe it's true. But I think I needed time then. I wanted to know everything. The fact that only a few subject I can learn was what I didn't accept then. I read many books about many genres. And I had know many things, which included the truth that I wouldn't be able to know everything. Knowledge multiplied what I wanna know. They were bigger and bigger. What can I do? I realize life is short now, and I will decide what I will do and won't do, thinking how I wanna live.


Book Store

I went to Junkudo in Shinjuku again with my friend. I read a book there. I wanted it before going there and seeing it, but I didn't buy it because of the difference between I thought it would be and it was. In addition my economic reason. There are many other books which I was attracted. Critique Of Pure Reason, a book written by Immanuel Kant, is one of the books I want to read now. Schopenhauer I wanna read too.


In my mind

I realized not much money but aim, time and free is what I need. I'm staying hospital now. I went out little. I learned in my segment. Some people, doctors, nurses, my friends and family, had come to see me. Foods are not very strong taste but good for health. Another what should I want? I spent day stretching and learning, and I like it. How wonderful life is! There are few things I want and need using money! My father died about two month ago, and then I started to think about my life again. Life is not so long, I noticed. I am me, not anyone else. Health and time is more important than money. I wanna live happily. I should pursue what I think is great and necessary, and make somebody happy. I remembered the sentence "I'm working racing with Death."


This has been the first time to miss writing in the day since I moved here. I'm sorry. Remember to write!



I read a book about psychology. I read it and knew Kohut. I didn't know much about him before, but he is a famous psychologist. I have seen wikipedia right now, and he was described the man of psychoanalyst. His opinion is taken many times in the book and I was interested in it. The number of books I can read in my life is not limitless. I'd like to read good books written not only in Japanese but also English as fast as I can. There will be some books which will make my mind thoroughly changed.



I often think what I want to be, what I am going to do to be so, and schedule to do. But almost all time I didn't achieve it. Maybe I often make my schedule too tight for my high ideal. Or maybe I am too lazy, because I think I can do the plan all time when I make it. I have already a little arrear this time too, but I will catch up on my plan. To quit something I used to do is the key.



I was in the treatment of IgA. Instilling steroid made me sleepless. My heart beat strong. Doing nothing on the bed at night was not good.



My days staying hospital came again. This time I have to be here for more than two weeks. But it will be the last time to stay here. I'm so glad if I could be cure perfectly. I wanna be with good health forever, till I died.



I went to see the paintings painted by van Gogh. There were many people and I couldn't see and walk as I want. I finished to see all paintings and my friend not, so I came back to see pictures exhibited former. There were few people there, and I saw all of them without constraint. Sp good time I had.


Eating Too Much!

I was in my room all day. Between sleeping and eating I studied little. When the sun set, I went out. I ate between lunch and dinner some times, and, after having dinner, met my girl friend and went a restaurant. Furthermore, I bought bread in a convenience store. I bought it for breakfast, but I had eaten that night. Wow! But I'm not fat but also bony. It may be going to be fat if I eat like that.


Sleepy and Lazy

I slept long yesterday. I felt lazy. So I went to bed during the day. As getting up later, I spend all the day less effective.



6 weeks had gone since my father passed away. Had I done something? I thought many things. I decided that first of all I will learn English better and get higher score of TOEIC. Sometimes deed is more effective than thought.